The recognition of a beloved soul
A single look into another person's eyes now takes me completely out of reality. I see him, but I can't recognize him, because everything is blurring before my eyes.
I know him, but I've never seen him before. Time and everything around me keeps still. Nothing and nobody moves and at this moment that I realize that nothing of all that surrounds me can be reality. The world is suddenly just an unimportant detail that exists only in my head, because my heart feels just so much that this must be the only and true reality. And now only we, this so familiar person before me and I,exist, completely torn out of life and captivated by the depth of his gaze, in which I slowly perish.
I can see so much in these eyes. My heart seems to break into tears because it has longed for this warmth for so long. It's like it finally found what it's been looking for so long.
This pressure in my heart is the most beautiful pain I have ever felt in my whole life and I now know that something incredible is about to happen. My heart beats so fast, it pushes against its self-created fortress with all its might until suddenly an explosion tears away all the walls, my heart jumps out of my chest and flies up towards the universe, back home to tell all the beings up there of this love.
The whole universe seems so moved by this encounterof two souls that all life stands still for a second just to capture this very special moment forever. I feel the freedom and bliss of my heart as it explodes up there, shredded into a thousand colorful sparks and everylittle spark falls into another walled heart to heal it with all its love and dissolve its walls. As if the universe, the world and my environment were as fragile and perfect as the soul itself, I now recognize the all-connectedness with everything that exists.
I'm getting so warm all of a sudden. I know that feeling, but it was so long ago that I barely remember.
My body is not used to experience my heart in such a free and easy way. All the walls are gone and it is unprotected, but where it is now, it no longer needs this protection, because nothing and nobody would ever hurt it. There is only love and it does my heart so good.
Seconds, minutes, hours or are it already days that we just stand there and look at each other. Time doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore. Only this person, who in an inexplicable way means so much to me and is so familiar that I would like to take him in my arms immediately, but I would break down in tears while I hammer my fists powerlessly on his chest and ask insobbing why he left me alone for so long. But my body can't move because my soul has flown into infinity with my heart and there's nothing left to control it. It is perhaps a good thing, because otherwise two completely different realities would collide and could trigger a reaction that should not actually evenhappen due to the laws of nature.
Without my head, I forget everything. The past I left behind, all the tears, the loneliness, the disappointments and constraints to have to fit in somehow. I even forget to breathe, but breathing is no longer important. I have everything I need right now. Not air and certainly not my body, which needs air to survive, but love, which for the first time satisfies the unbearable longing in me. I feel at home, because my heart has finally found its way back to its home. Even if I wanted to, I could not possibly free myself from the numbness in which I find myself. But Idon't want to. I want to stay here forever, in this other, perfect reality and I don't want to go back to the wrong, cold reality of humans.
Why can I dive into the depths of these eyes without having to struggle witht he fear of drowning in them? Why can a person mean so much to me when I have never seen before, when it takes me so long to trust someone who really means well to me. But that person before me doesn't even need to say a word and I would immediately trust him my whole life, I would put my heart into his hands, if it were still there.
It seems to me like half the eternity we both spend just standing there staring at each other, even though my eyes are blind and without my head not working and they don't recognize anything, while I see so much inside me.
A single second suddenly pulls me back into my body, away from the warmth, from my home and back to earth into the wrong, unbearable and unreal reality.
Someone touches my body, someone calls my name. Everything happens as fast as in the morning when the alarm clock pulls me out of my most beautiful dreams, so that everything turns and my heart races. Now I realize that it's still inside me and hasn't evenflown away.
Tears reappear in my eyes and I try with all my strength to withstand this penetrating feeling and not to show whats happening in me in this moment. I don't hear anything about the conversation with the boss. It's just my body playing along and answering. But I've got my mind behind me. What just happened there? I struggle with myself, because I have to focus my attention on the conversation, but I don't want anything so much as to turn around and look into those eyes again. There's really nothing I've ever wanted so much in my life.
We sit on our chairs and have to play a game. This game is played two by two. To the game there is a book. A book with many questions in it.
I have to play this game with you, So I rise and go to you. With my view on the ground I set beside you and put my hand on the table beside us, with the other hand holding the book. I know that you smile at me, but I see not really, because I am afraid to look into your eyes.
And so I take the book and read out the first question quietly:
„Which is your faith? “
„I am a christ And yours?
„I do not believe in religions.
Religions instruct us, I believe that everyones heart showes each human his own way show
I do not believe in it that God is a person, no male or female person, no old man with white long beard, which sits up there and on us down-seen. I believe, God is inside of us. I believe that God is the love, which we carry inside. I believe that God is everything, because love is everything "
You stare on me avoided. I feel your view in my face, like the warm sun in my neck. Still I don't look at you. My view is valid for the book:
„What is death? “
„Now,… death is something bad, something sad. Loss. Pain. Death is the end. What is death from your view? “
„Death. Death is the beginning. There is no death. Only cross into another world. My words are like stars - they do not go down.
I think of completely special humans, I felt very bad, because I never cried as only one, when he died. But then became me clear that I, which had never cried did not love it at most and deepest of all, because I did not want to be strong because I mean feelings express could not. No. Because I knew that he was here and did not want that I cried. Because I could be pleased for it and its luck in me felt, as if would be it still here. And that was it also and it also always will be and now in this moment, is it also. “
My hands, which hold the book, tremble and I see, as also yours do it to them. So I read the last question, without regarding you thereby, and I speech the question so quietly out that I think only, you does not hear it:
„What do you love? “
After a short silence you answer me. But you do not regard me and I hear, how your voice fails nearly:
„I love someone. But this someone knows nothing of this love, because I am afraid, to tell her..
"What do you love? “
„I love the forest and I love each particular of its trees. I love its smell and his charm.
I love it, if the sun affects the horizon and touch the sky into a wonderful red that it looks, as if the sky would burn, and I love the clouds, as her thereby so many multicolored colors to assume and I love it me to ask, how these colors probably develop.
I love the rain and the noise, if he drum on the deserted road. I love it to dance in the rain with the children and to take rain like a gift.
I love the animals and their unbelievable confidence and their love to humans, although humans cause so much suffering to the animals.
I love the children, as they laugh and plays and does not think over the life and when they look at you with their large eyes and touch my heart so much with one view
I love the air after the rain, how she bewitches all my senses and releases something in me that makes me simply happy.
I love the winter, how he puts everything in ice and everything is so beautifully white
I love the autumn and his whole color-glad trees and I love the sound, which develops, if I run by many multicolored leaves.
I love spring, as everything awakening to new life and the birds sing again their first songs for us.
I love the summer, where one feels so easy and can walk everywhere barefoot
I love to put a seed in earth and wait, until a new life develops.
I love the music, as she can lift my tendency and speak me so deeply from the heart
I love it, how I can feel the feelings of the others, as if would be my own.
And I still love so much more… “
I feel the smile on your lips and recognize an easy gloss in your eyes, although I do not see in yet. A sunbeam comes by the large window and seems direct into our center.
I have to smile now, and now I take my view slow into your face. Into these eyes, before which I am afraid so long. I feel, how my eyes begin to burn and how I still mean my tears hardly hold back , because the depth of your eyes touche me in such a way and is able in myself inside it so unbelievably much to release and nevertheless. But also can say my last words to bring our game to a close::
„And I love it… like someone is thinking that I would not know… how much he loves me... “